There's No Going Back

During his Emmy-award winning performance, Kill the Messenger, Chris Rock has a hilarious bit on the differences between men and women. He sums it up succinctly:

"Women cannot go backwards in lifestyle. Men cannot go backwards sexually."

An example he uses for women is the first time they get into a nice, warm car after clubbing, waving bye to their friends who are waiting for the bus in the cold. After that, they can’t be with a man who doesn’t have a car, or as Rock puts it, “That’s how the fuck you roll for the rest of your life”. This extends to guys with their own places, then guys who take them on vacation.

On men, he says, “Once we get the sex we like, that’s how the fuck we roll. I like my coffee like this, I like my steak like this, and I like to fuck like this…Ladies, don’t get mad at us. Get mad at our ex-girlfriends. She’s the one that [sic] spoiled it for everybody” because if your ex-girlfriend did something freaky, you expect your current girlfriend to do the same.

In general, the same is true for girls too, but not necessarily in these aspects of course...

If you can’t be with a girl who refuses to try exotic foods, who wouldn’t recognize the effort you put into making her feel loved, or who doesn't understand you, and laughs at your stupid jokes, guess what, that's because somewhere along the way, you had that, and you can't go back.

That’s why this entire idea is a little frightening.

Most people get more flexible on things about their mates as they head towards (or beyond) the marrying age but for some, they seem to be move the opposite direction. Picture each person you've ever been with has been an (overall) improvement over the last, and things just haven't worked out, now the bar has been raised so damn high you don’t think you’ll ever get there again, and you’d rather be alone than settle. Of course Chris Rock's version of the joke ended a lot funnier, and in usual Rock fashion, quite true... but I never claimed to be a comedian.

The Rules

On discussing rules about acceptable dating habits: The rules that one may follow may be difficult for another to understand. But one seemingly universal rule is that once you've known someone fairly well for more than 24 hrs, their sister is off limits forever. Now for someone who doesn't have siblings it may be a difficult rule to understand. Some may say the problem would lie in whether a break-up would happen; and where would one’s loyalty lie if said situation came to pass. Of course if both parties are mature enough, they will be able to remain friends after something like that, but let's not swell on exceptions. However ultimately, the decision and risk would lie with the friend and the sister. Just to be safe though, don't do it. There are plenty of other people out there, some would say, too many even. Go bark up another tree, preferably a stranger.

Another popular rule is to not date any friends’ ex-girlfriends. This is mostly an unspoken rule among friends, since after a breakup, the last thing you should do is have a detailed discussion of how to divide the spoils. The rule might seem very rigid to some, but if you're splitting hairs and trying to rationalize whether you should go for it or not, you better have a damn good reason. Otherwise see the answer to rule #1 above.

Now onto the ladies. It is commonly heard that some girls won’t date guys shorter than them. If you cannot begin to comprehend this rule, then you are most likely a short male with confidence to match. It may seem shallow, but at the same time you would have to imagine their situation. It might not be about stature, but feeling safe. Who knows, I have no answer for this rule, just abide by it and move on.

Next, Chinese girls who won’t date Chinese guys. The only explanation one can fathom for this is that a girl may not like the Chinese culture, and they associate Chinese guys with this. It may be the reason they give, but if they don't back it up with some serious physical attribute reasons, either that or they are some sort of "race traitor," which is less likely (one would hope). Regardless, the facts are these, stay away from Ex's and siblings.... and go to the gym more.

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