The Non-Apparent Pick-up

It began with a Neanderthal grunt, moved to "What's your sign?" and has since become a commonly used tool of the trade amongst singles on the prowl. Having heard the worst of them, I have to wonder, does the pick-up line actually do the trick? Is it something men should work on perfecting or is it time to come up with more refined methods for starting conversation? By now, cave-women recognize the club when they see it, and they will surely run like hell before letting you wallop them with it one more time. Given this, if you're going to subject them to your charm, at least know which situations to stay away from and which may keep them entertained just long enough to realize that you're at least a little more ingenious than the average cave dweller.

Put Away the Club

Contrary to popular belief (hah), women don't like feeling that they are the preyed sustenance of men every time they join friends for a night on the town. Sure, some may be out prowling too, but the key is differentiating between those that want to be hunted, and those who simply want to be left alone. So rather than making the hasty approach, observe a bit before you decide to do anything.

One of the easiest is to pay attention and actually be aware of the situation. Is she engrossed in conversation with her group or is she herself looking about the room for her next victim? If she looks to be caught up in a chatter fest with her entourage, let her be. Even if she thinks you’re all that, she'll be peeved that you interrupted her girl time, and thus you'll never even make it to "What's your sign?"

No Cheese Please

There should be a sign posted on every bar entrance that reads: Do not enter without your scum repellent. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?" "I just had to tell you, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." "My name's American Express...you better not leave for home without me!" There's nothing that will turn a woman off quicker than a run in with some d-bag exuding one of these brilliant pick-ups. You may be talking, but the only thing they hear is "Let me into your pants". Most of us know better than to even try one of these methods, but there are the Rico Suave's out there who will persist, and unfortunately it's the cheese spewers that ruin it for the rest of us.

We're Set

So enough about what not to do, right? Here's the scene. It's a Friday night, you're looking dapper, and you've made your way to the trendiest joint in town. You walk through the door and wham, like a bolt of lightening, you are struck by a breathtaking creature sitting at the end of the bar. Now is the time to look before you leap.

I think everyone can agree you shouldn't look too obvious or desperate for attention. After observing her for awhile and noting that she seems open to conversation, make your way to her side of the bar and casually say "Hi". If you're witty, you could throw in a joke, but only if you can pull it off without sounding like a moron. From this point you should be able to pick up her vibe. If she's laughing, has kept her eyes focused on you, and her body turned towards you, proceed, but keep it casual. If after the first "Hi", she turns her nose up and poises her body away from you, stop right there. She's not into it, and there's no way you're going to change her mind. Besides, if you've truly been "non-apparent", you haven't made an ass out of yourself, and can therefore move on unscathed.

It's Practical too!

This approach is not only reserved for the bar scene my friends. Whether you’re struck with lust at first sight in a bar, the grocery store, a wedding, or even your cousin Melvin’s bar mitzvah, being non-apparent will prove your best bet when trying to conjure up a conversation. Don't get me wrong, no matter how smooth you are, approaching a stranger never gets easy. Just don't think you can go about trying lines left and right without regard for your fellow man, because you're making us look bad.